The Myth of Doing It All

You’re hiding in the bathroom to catch your breath for a moment and you hear the kids arguing with one another through the doors.

“Not again,” you think to yourself as you take a big deep breath.

This pandemic life, work from home, distance learning and online school thing has you at your wits end.

“How much fricking longer is this going to last?” you ask yourself.

Wake up, make everyone breakfast, get everyone settled in to their work stations, head to your corner of the house that’s your workstation as you hurriedly log in for a team meeting, listen to the kids bickering with each other, listening to hubby in his workspace with his speaker phone super loud as he’s on his conference calls, between your meetings tending to the kids needs, skipping your own lunch and simply sticking a snack in your mouth as you prepare everyone else’s meals.

Off you go now for your team’s one-to-ones, fueling up on coffee, trying to do just that one last thing before you power off your laptop for the moment to tend to dinner for the family, before you do chores and turn on the computer to take care of that one more thing just before you go to bed.

WTF? What happened to your day and why are you so exhausted?

You think back on your day and realize, “Well, no f*cking wonder I’m exhausted, I haven’t had a moment to myself all day.”

As you take another deep breath and you look in the mirror and you barely recognize the woman staring back at you.

She looks worn-down and aged beyond her years.
The bags under her eyes look like they’re enough to pack for a year abroad.
Her hair has become brittle and dry, and is a hot mess.

This isn’t you.

What happened to you?

Women have been taught that we have to do it all and we aren’t allowed to ask for help (thank you patriarchy). And if you’re a high achiever and super doer like me, then you’ve also been taught that you have to do it with a smile and make it all look good.

Except, it’s not sustainable to live that way.

Sure, back in the day women stayed home, kept a clean house, nurtured the family and the kids, while making bomb ass meals and banging their spouses every day.

But then, we entered the work force. And we liked the feeling we got of having an identity outside the home. So, we began to pursue our educations and our careers…spending less and less time at home with the family, spouse, and kids.

Which is when the guilt started to set in.

To make up for the guilt, overcompensation kicks in:
Now you’re working outside the home AND tending to all of the household tasks, pulling double duty, not having a moment to yourself.

And heaven forbid that you ask for help. After all, your husband is stressed from working so hard and the kids have a lot going on at school. You can’t possibly ask them for help.

So you keep doing all of the things, feeling crapier and more resentful inside. In order to keep from oozing this resentment and anger all over your husband and kids, you shut off your feelings.

Feel nothing. Think nothing. Just do the thing.

But then, distance starts to set in.

Your husband isn’t as loving towards you (and why would he be? You’ve been cold and distant towards him).

Your kids don’t talk to you and would rather hang out in their rooms (because why would they hang out with you? You’re just grumpy all the time anyway).

And even your teams at work start to fall apart a bit. Not much, but just enough that one more thing would put you over the edge.

That’s where I come in.

When you realize you’ve fallen victim to the myth of having to do it all, and your relationships start to become distant, the practices of Fierce Authenticity can help.

What is Fierce Authenticity?

Fierce Authenticity is a series of practices utilizing science, psychology, and spirituality to support you in letting go of all of the stories you’ve been told about having to do it all, so that you can experience authentic connection, authentic communication, and authentic relationships.

I invite you to sign up to join my Fierce Authenticity email community to receive weekly tips and tools delivered directly to you.

You don’t have to do it all. I can help show you how.

Sending you so much love,
Shirani